In My Mind I've Become in Control Somehow

“don’t worry he shuts me out sometimes too” stop stop stopstopstopstopstop i was...

Thu, 16 May 2013 15:40:55 -0400

“don’t worry he shuts me out sometimes too”

stop

stopstopstopstopstop

i was friends with him since kindergarten.

his best friend was shocked by him ignoring me because “wait he tells you everything”

you’ve been friends with him for about a month

and i’ve had to console him so much because he felt like he fucked up everything with you

don’t say that like you’re better friends and you’re the closest thing he has to anything

because that was me

and now he’s apparently “warming up to me again”

yeah okay, i’ve only known you our whole lives; i’ve only been your shoulder to cry on for two girls in a nine month period

but whatever right

i don’t need to be in this loop

are we friends again now? i really can’t tell, but i fucking hope so

Mon, 13 May 2013 16:51:17 -0400

are we friends again now? i really can’t tell, but i fucking hope so

i’m noticing more and more how fucked my family life actually is

Thu, 02 May 2013 16:51:09 -0400

i’m noticing more and more how fucked my family life actually is

when i was younger my mother once told me to stop picking on my little brother/for him to stop...

Thu, 02 May 2013 15:45:33 -0400

when i was younger my mother once told me to stop picking on my little brother/for him to stop feeling bad about himself because he was what made us a family and i was kinda just there and i feel like that would be the perfect introduction to my memior

Photo

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 17:29:44 -0400

actually having active thoughts about suicide this is not gr9 at all

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 23:02:45 -0400

actually having active thoughts about suicide this is not gr9 at all

I probably should have talked to him about the shit I’m feeling right now

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 14:48:57 -0400

I probably should have talked to him about the shit I’m feeling right now

my abandonment issues are beyond fucking with my head rn jfc

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 06:01:19 -0400

my abandonment issues are beyond fucking with my head rn jfc

this whole thing with michael is leading to a whole “this time last year” wave of...

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 21:57:23 -0400

this whole thing with michael is leading to a whole “this time last year” wave of nostalgia and i can’t deal with it holy shit i’m actually falling apart

i’m a fucking masochistic mess

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 18:36:21 -0400

i’m a fucking masochistic mess

i’m crying because a stupid teenage boy is being an asshole fucking hate myself smrn

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 14:42:22 -0400

i’m crying because a stupid teenage boy is being an asshole

fucking hate myself smrn

i am not okay

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 14:23:47 -0400

i am not okay

So one of my oldest friends literally kicked me to the side this week Like there wasn’t even a...

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 14:23:47 -0400

So one of my oldest friends literally kicked me to the side this week
Like there wasn’t even a falling out or anything he was like “yeah she hasn’t been here and it’s literally been the best days this semester”

I didn’t do anything I don’t understand
We’ve been in each other’s lives since kindergarten and we’ve been associated as on par inseparable to teachers and even some of our friends since seventh grade
Not to mention I was literally your shoulder to cry on for lexi
And the person you’d come to after kathy
But I totally get how you could just drop me like we never had a friendship or anything, yeah

You actually made me start to cry in school today
And I don’t understand why you hate me so much

i didn’t realise something was wrong with me again until a friend asked if something was...

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 05:56:46 -0400

i didn’t realise something was wrong with me again until a friend asked if something was wrong

and it’s like no, i’ve only been out of school because of college thing and i had a migraine yesterday

but i also realised that i’ve been on the edge of tears and like skipping my meds and that shit probably doesn’t signify doing well

it’s actually starting to sink in more and more that i was turned down because she’s too...

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 20:53:17 -0400

it’s actually starting to sink in more and more that i was turned down because she’s too afraid of what other ppl think

and i need to not look at it like that because i’m only going to get really upset about it

i looked fucking gorgeous in my dress tonight
the music man was absolutely amazing despite the disaster it was at starting rehearsals
eli and i kinda shared a really long hug for us and it was nice and nostalgia :’]
shaw and talia came to see me
and that means absolutely everything
when they called up my name to get a senior flowers, about as many people cheered for me as they did for eli (who was our fucking music man)
josefina didn’t turn me down because she didn’t like me
i saw ben
my last show was p much my best one
i went out to dinner with shaw and talia which was perfect
and they gave me a flower
and we watched actually a perfect sunset together
today was fucking good
don’t fucking dwell on the stupid rejection

my neck rlly hurts but it only hurts when i tilt it to the left which i have to do anyway because of...

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 06:40:24 -0400

my neck rlly hurts but it only hurts when i tilt it to the left which i have to do anyway because of violin/viola and i have rehearsal for six and a half hours today and i’m dreading it

Photo

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 06:28:03 -0400

my brother’s mocking me for not eating desert with them but like I’m already on the...

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 17:00:19 -0400

my brother’s mocking me for not eating desert with them but like I’m already on the verge of throwing up and I can’t at this point

i’m going on a walk/adventure with the girl i like tomorrow and i can taste the bad idea from...

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 22:41:46 -0400

i’m going on a walk/adventure with the girl i like tomorrow and i can taste the bad idea from here

how am i fucking getting heavier when my period’s p much over and i should have stopped...

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 21:37:59 -0400

how am i fucking getting heavier when my period’s p much over and i should have stopped bloating fucking shit