In My Mind I've Become in Control Somehow

“don’t worry he shuts me out sometimes too”

stop

stop

stopstopstopstopstop

i was friends with him since kindergarten. 

his best friend was shocked by him ignoring me because “wait he tells you everything” 

you’ve been friends with him for about a month

and i’ve had to console him so much because he felt like he fucked up everything with you

don’t say that like you’re better friends and you’re the closest thing he has to anything

because that was me

and now he’s apparently “warming up to me again”

yeah okay, i’ve only known you our whole lives; i’ve only been your shoulder to cry on for two girls in a nine month period

but whatever right

i don’t need to be in this loop

are we friends again now? i really can’t tell, but i fucking hope so

i’m noticing more and more how fucked my family life actually is

when i was younger my mother once told me to stop picking on my little brother/for him to stop feeling bad about himself because he was what made us a family and i was kinda just there and i feel like that would be the perfect introduction to my memior

actually having active thoughts about suicide this is not gr9 at all

I probably should have talked to him about the shit I’m feeling right now

my abandonment issues are beyond fucking with my head rn jfc

this whole thing with michael is leading to a whole “this time last year” wave of nostalgia and i can’t deal with it holy shit i’m actually falling apart

i’m a fucking masochistic mess